We’re still in January the ink on all those New Years Resolutions is barely dry. Yet many of us will have given them up for another year. We listen to the little voice inside our heads, that says we shouldn’t do it. And we find little ways to self-sabotage our efforts until we give up.
What is self-sabotage?
Psychology Today describes self-sabotaging as “Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals.” More commonly associated with addictions, find excuses to not do something like go to the gym today or to just have a little slice of cake.
Why do we do it?
Our new year’s resolutions seem like a good idea at the time – but it involves us making a commitment and making a change and we think that change is something to be scared of. So we find little excuses to not meet today’s goal – I have to go out so I have no time etc. rather than honouring our commitment to ourselves.
It can be a form of self-preservation we don’t try we can’t fail but often it’s associated with our own feeling towards our self-worth. We don’t value ourselves for being the amazing people we are. We put other peoples wants above our own (as Mum’s who doesn’t put their kids first), so make our daily schedule around them and leave no time four ourselves. While we should think of others we also need to value ourselves – something I know I can struggle with too.
Sometimes other people around us tell us we can’t do a particular thing – for example dancing. It could be they are coming from a place of love and are worried about us. But often it’s them being scared of change. What happens if you actually achieved your goal? Would they be left behind, while you’re off being fabulous? So rather than supporting you they’d rather keep the status quo and keep you where you are.
And as if it wasn’t hard enough trying to avoid the little voices trying to cox us from the path of righteousness (keeping those resolutions) we also have the media and social media drumming in messages about “today’s the most people have given up their New Year’s Resolutions by or yesterday was called blue Monday – Supposedly one of the most depressing days of the year. So culturally speaking it is expected that we won’t stick to those resolutions and make the change and we cave into a form of peer pressure.
How can we overcome self-sabotage?
Having decided you want to make a change whether it’s your New Years Resolution or any other time of the year, how can we overcome this self-sabotage?
Set a goal (make it realistic, not that I don’t think you can achieve it but if you set goals that are totally unattainable you won’t stick to it), set a big goal but set yourself stepping stones to get there. It feels more achievable to say I want to do some form of exercise every day this week than to say I want to lose 4 stone. The big weight loss is the end goal but find a smaller point to celebrate and reward yourself. Enjoy the wins.
Find a support network – if you’re wanting to lose weight find a group of people in the same boat as you. Whether it is in “real life” or on social media it’s up to you and what you want support with.
Set your goal in your mind – people often put a photo of them at the biggest on the fridge door to deter the snacking, but rather than focusing on the past create new images in your mind of what you want to happen – you can use a vision board. Pictures of the dress or clothing you want to fit into or the holiday you want to take when you’ve learned the language etc.
Select and use tools that are aligned with your goal to supercharge you, the energy your putting into the task – for example for weight loss you could use some of the following. They won’t do the job for you, but they do help to keep you focused positively on your end goal.
- Affirmations: “Every day, in every way, I am becoming a better me.” or “I am discovering delicious new foods that make me healthier and stronger”.
- Crystal: Amethyst – helps with breaking old eating habits and Rose Quartz helps increase-self-esteem and self-love.
- Essential oil: Peppermint naturally suppresses appetite and lemon can help dissolve fat.
If you fall off the wagon – don’t beat yourself up, just start again tomorrow. We’re human after all things and things happen. We all need a little treat every now and then. But tomorrow is another day another new start. We need to keep trying and then we can achieve our goals.
How I self-sabotage
I have a good day, manage to do my exercise and meditations. I’m feeling great about myself. Then I forget to drink enough water, so that the following day my back is stiff and aches when walking or standing. Which means I don’t want to go out for my walk and I’ll start to beat myself up again for not doing it.
I do it too in my business – when it’s quiet I send out thoughts to the universe asking for work and new clients. Then as soon as it starts coming in I start worrying about not having the time to do it all and start putting up blocks.
I have a group of friends who are there to support each other and our businesses.
When I start to do worry about it I acknowledge that it’s there and it’s all scary. But then tell myself “I can do this” and not to worry. To take a deep breath and get started.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we mainly self-sabotage our own efforts at keeping our New Years Resolutions. Whether it’s because we don’t see ourselves as important enough to achieve the end result
While I write this blog the words to Naughty from Matilda the Musical are going through my mind
Even if you’re little, you can do a lot, you
Mustn’t let a little thing like, ‘little’ stop you
If you sit around and let them get on top, you won’t change a thing
…
But nobody else is gonna put it right for me
Nobody but me is gonna change my story
Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty
As I tell my kids. Only you can change your story and make a difference – don’t rely on others to do it for you. Whatever it is you want to change, set that goal and go out there and show the world what you can do.
Namaste x
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